Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don’t.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I’m saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.
Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Whether guys and girls can be friends, it has been a topic debated between guys and girls for centuries now. A girl’s stand and a guy’s stand in the topic is well portrayed in the movie ‘When Harry met Sally‘. Harry makes it very clear to Sally that guys in the end just want to get girls into bed, but Sally chooses not to believe even though there certainly aren’t any reasons for her to believe otherwise since Harry’s the guy and she’s the girl. How can she know guys better than Harry does?

Girls choose to believe that their men friends just want to be friends for two reasons. Firstly, they think it makes them more open and progressive to be able to have ‘platonic’ men friends and then criticize those who don’t think are just too conservative and overly sensitive to think that every guy just want to get them into bed. Secondly, it would be because of the attention these guys shower them. Like how Harry pointed out in the movie, these so-called men friends are guys who want to get the girls into bed. In order for them to achieve their end goal, they of course would listen to the girl’s problems, care for her and shower her with (what she would say is) ‘platonic love’.

One may say, I’ve been friends with him for 10 years and he has never acted inappropriately before! Well girls, just like how animals hunt, some just chase their target while some wait patiently for the right chance. Likewise, some guys wait patiently just for the right time to pounce on you. Don’t be surprised at how much a guy will go through just to get you in bed.

Some of you will want to go out and verify with your men friends how true this is. And as a result, some of you might have friends who are honest enough to admit to it but most of the time guys would deny. And of course it is understandable why they would deny. Why would they want to risk their ‘friendship’ with the girls and enlighten them with this truism when there certainly isn’t any merit in it for them at all? They normally would agree to you by saying of course guys and girls can be friends! And when the girls leave the table for a restroom break, they will then all laugh together saying girls are just delusional.

Learn from the conversation between Harry and Sally above. Instead of acting defiant and giving into the girly you, thinking that your men friends are different, do remember that Harry is a guy. And since he is a guy, how can he be wrong about guys?

Say for example, you are being accused of stealing from the office. All the evidence points to you, do you just give in and say “I have no proof. I can only admit to it.”? Even when the whole world is against you, never ever say that. Never. Even keeping quiet is wrong. If you know it wasn’t you, you have to stand up and defend yourself. By not standing up for yourself, you are actively allowing humiliation. You are allowing people to accuse you for what you are not.

This of course applies to times when your boss asks you for your opinions. Some may think that it is always better to suck up to the boss and just say what you think he wants to hear because then it may lead to quicker promotions and increments in pay. Give some thought to it. When they ask for your opinion, are they asking for you to tell them what they already know? Most of the times (provided that they are good bosses), they are seeking for a fresh perspective to look at things. And, most of the times, bosses appreciate honesty. Even if they don’t, should you betray yourself and just say things that you don’t believe in? Also, if they don’t appreciate honesty, you really should ask yourself whether you want to work for such a boss.

As for whether it is okay to tell a white lie, many would argue that a white lie is different from a hard lie because a hard lie is said to protect oneself whereas a white lie is said to protect the people you care for. I beg to differ. Lies, white or hard, ends up hurting people. I’m sure there were times when you went shopping with your best friend and she comes across a striking pink outfit that she really likes and asks for your opinion. You think it would be a disaster if she wore that to the party that weekend but because it is too hurtful to tell her she has a weird taste, you end up agreeing to it. Can you imagine what your little white lie which was designed to protect her ends up hurting her even more badly?

At the end of the day, just be honest and be yourself.

i) Why you buy a shirt, do you just care about the material without caring about the color, the look and feel, the design of the shirt?
ii) When you buy a car, do you just care about whether it runs well and saves on petrol or do you also care about the shape and color and design of the car?

If appearance does matter when it comes to things, why doesn’t it matter when it comes to guys? In fact, given that it would be someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with (whereas things don’t last you a lifetime), shouldn’t it matter more? Why is it bad to want someone who’s good looking or someone who appeals to you? I’m not saying looks is all that matters. What I’m saying is, a girl deserves a good guy with looks that appeal to her.

A devil’s advocate would say, there are already so few good guys out there, what more good guys with good looks? The response is: Does that mean you should settle for less? Besides, we all know that guys do go for looks, why not us? Don’t you deserve the best? You may also say, what if I can’t find the best? The response still is: Does that mean you should settle for less? Should you just give in and marry someone that doesn’t appeal to you? Ask yourself, is marriage your end goal or is finding that special someone your end goal?

There is also a practical aspect to it. If you like the looks of your guy, it definitely contributes to you wanting to kiss them or you wanting to caress them and explore their body. It’s a natural thing to want to do when you find that person irresistibly attractive. And of course, that can only happen if their looks naturally appeal to you. One can’t force herself to like another’s looks. They are either appealing or they are not. And when they are, don’t you think you would enjoy romance and yes, eventually sex, so much more? In fact, I would argue that if you don’t find your partner appealing, it’s impossible to enjoy sex with them at all. Yes, you may still have sex even when you don’t desire the guy. But it’s unimaginable how you can enjoy sex with a person whose body you don’t admire or desire.

So, I would say, looks are important whether you look at it from a philosophical or a practical perspective. Time to put ‘Does he appeal to me physically?’ into the checklist girls!

In fact, a girl should show displeasure. You should be frank and say “I don’t think this it’s funny, please stop” or “Don’t you think it’s rude?”. If somehow you find it’s hard for you to be so straightforward, then simply excuse yourself for the restroom. That should send a clear message. And, that will stop them from ‘trying to be funny’ in the future because they will know you are the girl who won’t take in this kind of nonsense. Also, taking into account that guys compares notes on everything (sexual or nonsexual), other guys will hear about it. And this will prevent other guys from trying to be cheeky with you.

A devil’s advocate might say what if they are really joking and mean no harm? Wouldn’t it be overreacting to make a scene out of it?

The thing is, no matter how you look at it, it is not showing any respect to a girl when you try to stick a price tag to a girl or ask her about her bra size in public. Even if they are really 100% joking, harm is still done. Would they like it themselves if someone says the same thing about their mother or their sisters? If they don’t, what right do they have to show disrespect to any other girl? And if they are already not respecting you the way every girl deserves to be respected, is it overreacting for you to show displeasure? Of course not. Why save face for someone who doesn’t even care to show respect to you? You might say, maybe they don’t know it’s rude. Well then, you are actually doing them a favor (and also a favor to all the girls out there) by educating them. This should tell them it’s very rude to do so and they shouldn’t say things like that to any girl at all.

Remember, once you allow such comments, it gives the guys a pass to not treat you the way a girl should be treated properly.